watch sabrina the teenage witch season 1 episode 3

Rude! Just when I was thinking this was going to turn into yet another example of the witch-world ostensibly being all about empowering women but actually being a place where even the witchiest woman is under male control, we get this hot twist: Two days before Sabrina’s dad signed his daughter’s soul away to the devil, Sabrina’s mom sneaked away with Aunt Hilda to have your standard-issue shiksa baptism, which I must admit, I don’t know a ton about, but I think it’s a lot less intense than “now your body and soul is the Dark Lord’s to do with what he wishes.” Turns out that when Sabrina was just a little baby half-witch, Aunt Zelda whisked her away in the woods with her dad, who signed Sabrina’s name in the Dark Lord’s book on her behalf. Sister secrets are the most explosive of all the secrets! It’s all very Saints for All Occasions. The Spellmans have got human secrets and magic secrets, marriage secrets and sister secrets. Even the most boring, ordinary kinds of families have - and this is a conservative estimate - 10 trillion secrets among them. No more secrets! Brina, babe, your aunts are at least a hundred years old, right? We are talking about family here. Upon discovering that both of her aunts have been hiding some high-stakes backstory not just from her but also from each other, she says, “No more secrets.” I nearly fainted from laughter. The most unintentionally hilarious line in this episode comes from our willful, earnest Sabrina.

Watch sabrina the teenage witch season 1 episode 3